tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4427538608110635294.post7765791425809327907..comments2023-08-09T03:21:13.354-05:00Comments on Letters from Gehenna: The World on a Slant: His Mind is Engaged in the Rapt ContemplationDw3t-Hthrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11584245136407694660noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4427538608110635294.post-26744664225346491212009-11-19T16:31:59.141-05:002009-11-19T16:31:59.141-05:00i'm guessing most of you are american?
cos i...i'm guessing most of you are american? <br /><br />cos its really not unusual AT ALL for women here (south of England) to keep their own name, or to change their name but to keep their maiden name at work, or really... anything goes.<br /><br />to be legally required to change one's name?! that's crazy!<br /><br />I did wonder about giving my maiden name to the kids as a last middle name - which is what my mother-in-law did - but didn't in the end for a variaty of reasons - not least that there are male relatives on my dad's side 'keeping the name going' as it were (which there wasn't in my mil's case)<br /><br />We already had a child when we got married - part of wanting to get married was that i wanted us all to have the same name - it equated to really being a family in my mind for some reason... also I was sick of having a different name to my son, and being called Mrs (maiden name) - which is my mum's name, obviously! I tried to be 'Ms' for a while but got fed up of saying 'no, it's Ms' and even more fed up of trying to get people to just call me by my first name.<br /><br />sorry - random ramblings - but a very interesting subject!<br /><br />what I find weired is the concept that all women should want the same, or should be forced to do the same - er, why?!mamacrowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16484565827023574347noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4427538608110635294.post-39882093864785253342009-11-18T14:32:22.981-05:002009-11-18T14:32:22.981-05:00I didn't change my name - it wasn't worth ...I didn't change my name - it wasn't worth the hassle to me, mostly. I found the convention distasteful.<br /><br />Do I care if OTHER people change their names? Hell no. Go ahead and change it if that's what fits! Don't if it doesn't! A NAME does not identify the relationship (I've been told that I clearly don't love my husband because I didn't take his name!) nor does my child's surname directly affect the relationship. (I chose to use hubby's last name. Yes, I CHOSE. Something different is better than something that's half the planet, IMO).<br /><br />Then again, I think that if you're going to start making laws about name change, there should be one where the man is legally required to change his name to the woman's name. Just to see heads explode. :)Vievahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15156288385744214737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4427538608110635294.post-28836139217406349752009-11-11T12:11:29.922-05:002009-11-11T12:11:29.922-05:00As someone who didn't change her name on marri...As someone who didn't change her name on marriage, I actually find myself nodding in agreement with the Feministe post, and at least sympathizing with many of the comments. I find it frustrating as hell that so freakin' many women don't even consider not changing their name.<br /><br />I completely and totally agree that the decision is an individual choice. If you want to change your name, go right ahead! No skin off my nose - it's your name. The problem comes when you look at the statistics - the overwhelming majority of women change their name; 50% of people think it should be <i>legally required</i> for pete's sake - that's just ridiculous. Of course there are reasons a woman might want to not keep her father's name, or reasons she might want to adopt that of her spouse - but I'd be willing to bet that those reasons don't apply to every one of the 95% or so of women who do change their names. And as someone who didn't, it's frustrating to see that. It's annoying that I have to spend ten minutes on the phone with HR explaining that yes, I did get married, but yes, my name is the same, because they don't see it as an option, because so few people do it. (Yes, that happened. And yes, I am painfully aware of the fact that I work at a WOMEN'S COLLEGE. It's not exactly a glaring violation of rights or anything, just a minor inconvenience - but really, now.)<br /><br />The question is, how can I express frustration at this, without offending people who wanted to change their names? There seems to be no good way to do that. So while I try to avoid the argument, I totally get the "well, let them be offended, this is important to me" position. <br /><br />(As an aside: I don't know if I was striking a blow for feminism by not changing my name, but it was part of it. Mostly, I didn't change it because it's my name, it's part of my identity, and I don't see my identity changing because I got married - so why would my name? Then again, I was raised by old-school feminists. :)Frozen Capybarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16142093860589292552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4427538608110635294.post-84500608972329176922009-11-10T10:49:00.546-05:002009-11-10T10:49:00.546-05:00I wasn't overly fond of my last name, which is...I wasn't overly fond of my last name, which is part of the reason I changed it. Now I have the Amazingly Alliterative Name of Doom, but it was my choice.<br /><br />I think being mandated to change my name would have made me dig in my heels and say Heck no!<br /><br />And totally with you on the stupidity of getting letters to Mrs. hisname lastname. ARGH!Peeeeka-chuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07289661754866293534noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4427538608110635294.post-58089851713556267002009-11-09T18:29:01.065-05:002009-11-09T18:29:01.065-05:00What is it they say, never read the comments?
I s...<i>What is it they say, never read the comments?</i><br /><br />I so need to learn not to do this... don't go read the comments on feministing on the Trans people having sex and not disclosing that they are trans threads... so much fail... my head it exploded... all I can think is these are feminist sites? WTF?!?<br /><br />My son doesn't have my last name because I hate it- it would be kind of impossible for any other children I may have to have the same last as my son unless I get back with the ex- which is soooo not happening. <br /><br />So while not changing my surname was more about feminism in the context of my old relationship (not that it mattered- cause I got dumped at the altar), now not changing my surname is actually more about not wanting my son to feel alienated from his family, ie I don't want my son to be the only one with a different surname. <br /><br />People like to crap on that this sort of thing is confusing to kids- my response: bullshit- I grew up in a blended family- half the kids had one surname and half had another- we were never confused about who was who and that we were all loved by our parents- it was other people who got confused that our family didn't conform with the hetero-normative nuclear model.<br /><br /><br /><i>one of the things that boggled me about that post and comments was the complete lack of empathy for pretty much every position on the name thing.</i><br /><br />I also found that incredible considering the post was pointing out a study that said 50% of people thought a woman should be legally required to change her name after marriage... FFS that's a lot of social pressure for any individual woman to swim against but instead of railing against that social pressure, ie patriarchy it's all 'Those Womens' fault. puh-lease!Lissyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14975707448103541108noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4427538608110635294.post-58869346508657796332009-11-09T13:10:00.124-05:002009-11-09T13:10:00.124-05:00Aqua - I had that thought too, when Dad suggested ...Aqua - I had that thought too, when Dad suggested the 'children of same sex get the surname' notion as a possibility (which hadn't occurred to me prior), that it felt more ... balanced? To cross over.<br /><br />Thene - one of the things that boggled me about that post and comments was the complete lack of empathy for pretty much every position on the name thing.Dw3t-Hthrhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11584245136407694660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4427538608110635294.post-52110905194604682842009-11-09T12:20:23.597-05:002009-11-09T12:20:23.597-05:00...from that Feministe post:
What throws me off e......from that Feministe post:<br /><br /><i>What throws me off even more is when I see feminist-minded or liberal women take their husband’s name, and then defend it with “Well it’s my choice” or “My last name was my father’s anyway”</i><br /><br />...because there is no conceivable reason why a woman might be deeply uncomfortable with the fact that she shares a name with her father. Obviously.<br /><br />Wow.thenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11851538869806389235noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4427538608110635294.post-11490167092678769502009-11-09T02:33:35.218-05:002009-11-09T02:33:35.218-05:00Idunno what it says about me, but when I started t...Idunno what it says about me, but when I started thinking about the children's surnames thing, I thought it would be fairer if the sons took the mother's surname and the daughters, the father's.<br /><br />But I can also see the usefulness of all children sharing a surname, whatever is chosen.Aqua, of the Questionershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03729823323134474391noreply@blogger.com