tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4427538608110635294.post1001526940910206516..comments2023-08-09T03:21:13.354-05:00Comments on Letters from Gehenna: The World on a Slant: Frameworks and FireworksDw3t-Hthrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11584245136407694660noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4427538608110635294.post-56638960692997772552009-06-15T05:16:50.191-05:002009-06-15T05:16:50.191-05:00Fairly OT I know, but sometimes I wonder if autist...Fairly OT I know, but sometimes I wonder if autistic people aren't the sanest among us. People's behaviour doesn't make sense...sevenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15289120597877683841noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4427538608110635294.post-52382081056640072732009-06-08T10:30:32.195-05:002009-06-08T10:30:32.195-05:00Good points. Thank you.Good points. Thank you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4427538608110635294.post-39890825168772795142009-06-07T07:03:19.618-05:002009-06-07T07:03:19.618-05:00Thank you--for writing this and for letting me kno...Thank you--for writing this and for letting me know about it.<br /><br />I have often felt like a lone voice crying in the wilderness when I've said things like "As long as we define 'violence' as something men do to women, we have no chance of ending violence." <br /><br />There are people in the world who use other people for their own ends, without regard for the other's humanity. Exactly how those people do their using depends on their circumstances, their abilities, and their predilections. Some of them do more damage than others, and the damage might be physical, emotional, psychological, or a combination. <br /><br />In my opinion, no one has the right--has the knowledge--to say from the outside, this kind of damage is worse than that kind, or this person is harmed more than that person. <br /><br />I have both sons and daughters. We have tried our best to raise them all not to be users of other people, and to recognize when other people are trying to use them. So far (daughters are 25 and 18, and sons are 26 and 22), so good.<br /><br />But I have never feared more for my daughters than for my sons. The world has plenty of evil to go around.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4427538608110635294.post-47628825018812646302009-06-06T21:05:17.564-05:002009-06-06T21:05:17.564-05:00And that's a queerness that I, for the most pa...And that's a queerness that I, for the most part, don't have to navigate beyond the baseline "kinky means indiscriminate" risk upping.<br /><br />I know that it's out there, but because I'm not transgressing assumed sex role dramatically in the way I do kink, I don't get the gender-enforcement rape risk for it.Dw3t-Hthrhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11584245136407694660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4427538608110635294.post-24482000483203879822009-06-06T20:57:13.331-05:002009-06-06T20:57:13.331-05:00But yeah, I think you've hit it bang on. There...But yeah, I think you've hit it bang on. There's a queerness to the relationship I'm in even if it's a heterosexual one, and that brings risk. Maybe not as much, but yeah, some, and I'm aware of it. And some of the men partners I've had have been a lot more afraid of that stigma and a lot more "never talk about this anywhere, EVER, I'm afraid" than the current one is.Trinityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06846032433424879965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4427538608110635294.post-23376342600216087142009-06-06T20:57:10.463-05:002009-06-06T20:57:10.463-05:00No, I know.
We're all wigged here, I think, i...No, I know.<br /><br />We're all wigged here, I think, is what we're both saying.Dw3t-Hthrhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11584245136407694660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4427538608110635294.post-30374812889531526882009-06-06T20:54:58.675-05:002009-06-06T20:54:58.675-05:00Thank you. And just to be clear, I wasn't tryi...Thank you. And just to be clear, I wasn't trying to say you don't get that. I was explaining why I tend to wig out and go "Uh, I'll be over there now" when I see comments like that one.Trinityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06846032433424879965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4427538608110635294.post-75341074457247350782009-06-06T20:52:35.480-05:002009-06-06T20:52:35.480-05:00The person who said something like "The more ...The person who said something like "The more I think about feminism the higher my Kinsey number gets" is someone I know personally. I ... don't know whether I'm more horrified by that as a heterosexual assault survivor, as someone who knows people who were raped by their partners in same-sex relationships, as someone who knows about intersectional stuff that plays into it, or what ... with some bonus "Goddamn, am I sick of everything that smells remotely like separatism."<br /><br />And yeah, I <i>know</i> that the bottoms/submissives of the world are more vulnerable in some ways to rape, and I suspect that that's going to hit the men harder in some ways, because of the way the culture particularly despises people who are supposed to be slotted into the top role and reject it.<br /><br />And you (Trin) have the risk of rape bonus of 'putting the uppity woman in her place' types, much like homophobic rape gets formulated.<br /><br />And I have the protection of being a white woman, and thus not classed as someone who is intrinsically sexually rapacious, and thus available, and thus axiomatically consenting -- unlike WOC, and <i>unlike men</i>.<br /><br />If this stuff is as insidious and pervasive as some people would like to present - and sometimes I think it is, and sometimes I think it isn't - then we've all got to work through our internalised shit and work on getting other people to stop doing it too. It can't be left to the men, because men aren't the only people making decisions that perpetuate it.Dw3t-Hthrhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11584245136407694660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4427538608110635294.post-89076559004089197932009-06-06T20:33:44.624-05:002009-06-06T20:33:44.624-05:00I guess what I'm saying is that... yeah, I und...I guess what I'm saying is that... yeah, I understand that far fewer men than women are raped. But all a man has to do to become rapeable (which means "womanish") is step outside the Real Man line.<br /><br />I know too many men who do that to nod my head to posts like that any more. I get it, but... I don't get why it's not acknowledged that maleness isn't the shield. Masculinity is.<br /><br />And masculinity of the sort you need not to be a target is a straightjacket.Trinityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06846032433424879965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4427538608110635294.post-51700688741965889152009-06-06T20:29:20.405-05:002009-06-06T20:29:20.405-05:00(okay, now I'm upset. shoot.)
Why can't w...(okay, now I'm upset. shoot.)<br /><br />Why can't we all be there <em>for each other</em>? Why is that a heresy?Trinityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06846032433424879965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4427538608110635294.post-76241279378073415602009-06-06T20:26:10.129-05:002009-06-06T20:26:10.129-05:00And you know, I read the first comment, the "...And you know, I read the first comment, the "my husband and I don't live in the same world" and my mind is just... buh?<br /><br />Because yes, I live in a world where I'm particularly rapeable. But I live in a world where... so are my partners, if anyone knows they're bottoms. Or even if it wouldn't be done to them... it's a joke to keep them in line. Just as it's a joke to keep me in line.<br /><br />I don't live in a world where I fear for me and not for the men (or the women, but the assumption is that only women are in danger) who open themselves to me. If someone can be that vulnerable before me and I care about their trust... why should I see it as vanishingly impossible that someone who they can't trust would want to teach "the faggot weirdos" a lesson if they knew?<br /><br />Why am I supposed to buy this feminist line (and I know that's heresy but please, anyone reading, consider what place I speak from) that they're impervious and no one will ever curse them or hurt them? Why am I supposed to pretend their secrets aren't something I've protected as seriously as possible because the world is a dangerous place for people with those secrets?Trinityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06846032433424879965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4427538608110635294.post-22665893318233038792009-06-06T19:37:46.126-05:002009-06-06T19:37:46.126-05:00On your debunking of that "I'm a lesbian ...On your debunking of that "I'm a lesbian because I know I'm safer" thing, all I can say is "Thank you," and that it makes my head and heart hurt to hear that too. No, no, no!Trinityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06846032433424879965noreply@blogger.com