So Tell Me ... What's The Weather Like on YOUR Planet?

15 June, 2007

On Not Being Assimilated

So I got pointed at a discussion over on The Wild Hunt about paganism and polyamory, in the context of the Salon article that identified pagans as the largest religious subgroup among polyfolks who subscribe to Loving More. (The favorite magazine of the crystal-waving fluffernutter poly set! Remember, we aren't committed to each other, but to Love! Pass the barf bag.)

The nominal subject of the discussion was one of those, "Hey, are pagan organisations prepared to deal with questions on this yet?"

And somewhere in the comments was the expected, "Well, I don't approve of that. It doesn't work out. It's bad for the children." Et cetera, et cetera, and so forth. And somewhere in there is the want to argue, to note the plenty of people for whom it does work out, to cite the child someone mentioned who was told by a friend, "You're so lucky. You have three parents and they all like each other and live together." To do some version of the snide, "Have you looked at the divorce stats lately for the successes of monogamy?" Or just to, y'know, be visible, and exist, and real, without being combative about it.

But I don't know the leverage to shift that worldview to a different grid. I'm betting that one blames every end of a relationship in an open system on the being-poly, among other issues. As opposed to, say, someone showing their true colours and becoming abusive, sexual incompatibility, the relationship having run its natural course, long-term stresses making the relationship no longer sustainable, incompatible long-term goals, grew apart ... to pick reasons I count among reasons my own relationships ended. (I also count one as ending in part due to the poly thing, from back when I was eighteen or so, because I had a boyfriend who was orientationally monogamous and fairly conflict-happy and decided that he wasn't ever going to "win" the competition for my affections.) Which have been part of the breakups of monogamous relationships.

But I just wind up shaking my head and figuring, y'know, people can go around not believing in the existence of my life all they want. I don't have to go around kicking rocks at them to say "I refute it thus!" That which exists is possible. And I'll just carry on existing, without even going to the effort of doing so in defiance -- just because, well, I exist.

Eventually they'll come around. Or they won't. Either way, I've got my life to live.

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