You know the one, who's harassing people trying to get shit done with the perpetual "Why? Why? Why?" After pondering some discussions over at Let Them Eat Pro-SM Feminist Safe Spaces, and Trin's examination of her own kink stuff, I present:
Why Dw3t-Hthr is submissive. (Insert little sparkly bits around this, or a nice scrolling banner, or whatever floats your pervy little boat.)
- My perfectionistic, protocol-happy, rigid, and unforgiving-of-error personality makes a sucktastic leader, and a spectacular enforcer/majordomo/chief minion.
- My wacked-out executive functions deal poorly with surprise, unanticipated situations, or anything for which I cannot bring to mind a previously evaluated protocol. In other words: I think very poorly under pressure.
- I am sensitive to social dynamics involving subtle power flows (largely for reasons of self-protection) and thus far more comfortable in a defined heirarchy (especially when compared to one of those groups that claims to have "consensus-based" decision-making and refuses to acknowledge the power differentials within the group because it's ideologically unacceptable to notice them).
- I reject on a gut level the social expectation that I am obliged to be compliant to other people's desires and ideologies, and operate in a system where my level of obligation is under my own control.
- Even if I have been partially socialised into an expectation of vulnerability and malleability (which has a fuck of a lot more to do with my mother's insanity than any particular patriarchy construct), my earliest fantasies that acknowledged that focused on connecting with a person who would find me and cherish me in defiance of that cultural expectation rather than treating me like a faceless automaton just like all the others.
- I take strongly after my father in base personality; I am sentimental, deeply emotional, a caretaker and nurturer, and drawn to being a support figure. (See also the umpty-leven posts I've written in the past bitching about the cultural degradation of support roles.)
- I am profoundly fascinated by the exploration of altered states of consciousness, ranging from meditative trance through to careful studies of the effects of alcohol on my cognition. Part of this is a control-freak awareness that the more cognizant I am of the various functionalities of my brain the more likely I am to be able to navigate situations safely; part of this is simply mental-sensation junkieness.
- I benefit strongly from situations in which my adequacy, success, and general worthiness as a human being not only are acknowledged, but extensively supported.
- I believe that people are best off operating from their strengths and core drives rather than displacing their selves into what sorts of power others think they ought to be pursuing.
- I am not dissociative enough to have a sexuality constructed separately from the entire rest of my being.
I don't expect that this will be good enough for some people, but that's not my fucking problem. I've answered your question.