So Tell Me ... What's The Weather Like on YOUR Planet?

11 August, 2010

Paradigm Lost

Normal kinky people confuse me so much sometimes.

In the last week I've come across a "we must totally structure our relationships in a particular way lest Disaster Follow", a "well, I could understand how she might feel a conflict between feminism and kink if she were submissive", and a "How can you do d/s and be poly without the master having control over the submissive's other relationships? Where's the power exchange in that? Surely if the sub gets told 'no' it's her obligation to deal, and if the master wants something he gets it!" (Gendering from original quote; I don't know if it's the usual conflation fail or because it's a response to a thread in which a female submissive was seeking advice about a situation with her male master.)

I just.

No, really, it's entirely possible to let relationships work out and see what properties they emerge to rather than either strictly segregating them or doing the Anapol-bullshit "you all must have a shared cause![tm] in order to succeed!" thing.

No, really ... oh, for fuck's sake, shoot me now. The whole tacit, "Oh, of course a female submissive would be uncomfortable with feminism"/"Oh, of course a feminist would be uncomfortable with female submission" is, ... I can't even work up a good head of rant about this right now. I've said it all already, so many fucking times.

The third one kinda blew my mind, though. The idea that d/s means that some obvious package of agreements is in play - "obvious" meaning "unnegotiated and tacitly present" because we totally all do the same thing right and we don't have to think about what we do even if we're rooting around in the spooky parts of the psyche - and thus it's just flat incomprehensible to not include the package.

Of course the dom wants to control the sub's sexuality, because, you know, sex! It's about sex! And power! So putting tight restraints, restrictions, and obligations on the sex is what it's all about, even if that isn't actually fulfilling to anyone! Because! Sexsexsexsexsex! And power!


It makes me miss the carpentry.


Alex said...

Yeah, I've just been watching that, and... I don't even know. You have far more patience than I do.

mamacrow said...

the carpentry?!

and these arn't normal kinky people, they cant be.

mind you, define normal.

and come to that, define kinky!

Dark said...

The more I read the board you are referring to, the more I feel less out of touch with "normal" kinky people. It just blows my mind that people accept such borderline pathological control as a de facto state in power dynamic relationships. Everyone likes to talk about how M/f D/s isn't about male fear of female power, but the actions of so many so-called dominants tells me that it's about nothing *BUT* that.

I'm starting to realize what a rare gem my Dreamer is, because he does not try to control my other relationships and respects my intelligence enough to let me make my own decisions.