So Tell Me ... What's The Weather Like on YOUR Planet?

26 March, 2007

Marked Case

So in a stray conversation on usenet I happened to mention something my liege said, phrased as "My boyfriend mentioned ..."

This was promptly pounced upon as a matter of grave significance by one person, for the sole reason that he knew I'm married, and thus the mention of someone as my boyfriend must have great significance, there must be some specific reason that I referred to him as such rather than as some more distant, more anonymous term.

Had I said "My husband mentioned ..." I have grave doubts that I would have been interrogated as to my boyfriend's position on the matter, despite the fact that the same person is aware that I have more than one partner.

Someone on the polyamory community on livejournal commented that a response to "What'd you do this weekend?" of "I went to the movies with my boyfriend" is treated as strange and remarkable and serious oversharing because it's known that she's married.

Treating things as normal, like they are -- treating one's partners as partners in casual conversation just like everyone else does -- suddenly goes off in strange directions when someone figures that there's some Profound Significance to just mentioning a boyfriend just like everybody else. Because the rules have to be all different.


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