So Tell Me ... What's The Weather Like on YOUR Planet?

17 July, 2007

Having the Wrong Sex

Thinking about what Trinity wrote here and here, and Renegade Evolution's response here, and adding my own bit to the pot.

The problem with doing all this sex regulation stuff is that, well, there's no way it's going to make everyone happy. No matter what one does or does not do with one's sex life, there will be someone out there who doesn't approve -- maybe just that wacko over there who clearly only approves of said sexuality if it involves them, but someone is going to disapprove.

Given that there's no way to get universal approval for one's sexual practices, I figure it makes more sense to start with what makes me happy, and go from there to what makes the people who are actually involved with my sexual practices happy. If there's space for making anyone else happy after I've done the responsible thing and taken care of the people who are relevant and involved with the question, maybe I'll think about it. But I probably won't think about it for all that long, because people who are creepy enough to be interested in being satisfied with my sexual practices don't deserve much thinking about.

And, y'know, I was thinking of writing something more profound here, but I'm having a hard time coming up with something to be profound about. What gets me off isn't tied to politics, brainwashing, or obedience (and if it were, I'd have a lot of fun orgasming on command); what I'm not interested in isn't made up of politics, it's just made up of uninteresting. Giving up happiness with sexuality to suit politics is a bad trade; at least when I lost happiness with sexuality because I was medically broken that wasn't choosing misery.

Choosing misery isn't virtuous. Choosing to do something with sexuality because it's in keeping with the political orthodoxy one likes or disfavored by the political orthodoxy one dislikes is still letting someone else control one's sex. (Someone who's selling their sex to an ideology has no standing in my books to be pissy about prostitution.)

No matter how sexual or not-sexual we are in any moment, there's someone out there who's convinced we're doing it wrong. I see no reason to listen to them rather than me.


Tziyonah said...

Having followed those links, and the links on them...

Good Lord.

I did not know that wanting to be tied up while another woman pins me down and fucks me silly, or vice versa, was "letting the patriarchy into my bedroom."

I've always been bothered by the deliberate politicization of sexuality, ever since, back when I was first figuring out my own sexuality, I picked up a book, read the introduction, and saw the author declare that she had become a lesbian because, to her, it was the natural extension of her feminist beliefs.

Bad feminist, no cookie. In fact: I find that attitude degrading. Yes, I said it. Degrading. Reducing something as intimate and powerful as sex to an extension of your political ideology is degrading.

It feels like that what these people are forgetting is that sexual politics exist to serve the sexual act and the people who engage in it, not the other way around.

Dw3t-Hthr said...

Reading that stuff mostly left me with that familiar old Martian Anthropology feeling: I am not from these people's fucking planet. I go through the stuff and for the most part, there is nothing there with which I feel familiar.

I was really struck by one of the commentors over at Trin's, who noted how coy people were, and how apologetic they were about having good relationships (but not bad ones), and ... words fail me. The universe in which talking about one's preferences for clitoral stimulation with a partner are "TMI" is not one with which I am even passingly familiar.